Okay. Why does a 32 year old man who wears an Aikido uniform with cat ears on his head think he has the right to hurl the word “VAGINA” at his audience at a quarter to three on a Saturday afternoon?

That’s a good question.

Here is my answer.  Why the fuck not?

Strap in.

Let me be crystal clear on something.  I do not have a vagina.  I happen to like vaginas.  But I also understand a couple of key things about them.

1.  I was passed through a vagina the day I was born.

2. My mother, my female cousins, and several of my best friends HAVE vaginas.

3. More than half the world may in fact HAVE vaginas.

Do you notice something?  I’m writing the word ‘vagina’, and I am doing it without shame, with no regret, and with zero remorse.  Why is this happening?  Because people I love and care about are waking up in this day and age in this country and wondering why a part of their anatomy has undergone such raw scrutiny.  They are pondering an old white patriarchy and its influence on their very existence.

Do I need to repeat myself?  Here’s the situation.

A Democratic Michigan representative by the name of Lisa Brown had the nerve to make a speech in front of her colleagues demanding that a controversial piece of abortion legislation be abandoned for the farce that it is.   Never mind the fact that the focus of most of her speech was actually about her relationship to Judaism.  Forget about the fact that we’re still not one hundred years past the fact that women were only given the right to vote in this country in 1920.  I am not going to go into details about the nature of the legislation.  My answer to anyone about the abortion issue is going to be the same as it would be for someone who would want to nitpick about gay rights and what the Bible has to say about it.

I don’t give a fuck. These people have a choice and that choice really doesn’t affect me as a straight man.

I would have a seriously hard time explaining to a rape victim that they were not allowed to control what happens to their bodies after their power was already taken away from them by some scumbag who thought it was okay to beat and humiliate them while abusing their vaginas (among other things).  I would also have a difficult time asking a woman who’d undergone the procedure what it was like to abort.  I simply wouldn’t get it.  I can be a sensitive, sympathetic man when it comes to that subject area, but my hypocrisy, like a woman’s vagina,  only stretches so far.   I don’t have a vagina, I don’t have a uterus, and I don’t, therefore, have the right to dictate what a grown woman does with her body.  Period.

I’m not the brightest bulb when it comes to women sometimes.  Why is it that I seem to understand this as simple common sense, but lawmakers who are supposedly older, wiser, and way more qualified to pass legislation regulating American life are so obtuse about this issue?

What are we really saying here about our nation’s women?  What are we saying about ourselves?

It sickens me to no end that many of the fundamentalist Christians who claim to be anti abortion/pro lifers happen to be old white guys who would never dream of something as simple and as effective as contraception.  Too many of these people are the same assholes that walk up to youngsters like me and complain that there are “too many people in the damned world.”  And I admit, I get hung up on the fact that we’re still not dealing with enough women in politics.  I’m still going to have to remind my future daughter that equal pay for equal work doesn’t always apply to her, and that a woman’s role in certain vocations can still be limited.

But where are the women in this latest fight?

They’re probably too busy trying to make a living in this shit hole that we call an economy. Many of them are single parents who are too busy trying to love and support their kids to stop and think about how stupid their elected officials can be, especially when it comes to the issue of SEPARATING religion from legislation.  And, oh yeah…some of them are gay, too.  These women get to have double the fun, don’t they?

I want to meet a gay, black Jewish lady and ask her how she feels about our country today.  Just a thought.

And yes, there are going to be women who are pro lifers.  There are going to be women who would say that life is life, and many of them would be happy to point out their Christian perspectives on the matter.  That’s okay with me, as long as they got to make that choice for themselves.

I’m going to ask you all one question.

How easy is it for you to say the word vagina? Can you talk to your little ones about vaginas without blushing or turning away in shame? You’re going to have to learn if you can’t.  Let me see if I can help….

Come on, now.  Sing it with me, people.

I want to send this song to the people who banned Lisa Brown and Barb Byrum for having the brass ones to say what they felt.  Better yet, I want to organize an official protest where a group of choral singers gets together and sings this song in front of the White House or IN Saint Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City.  I want someone to explain to Lisa Brown how they completely ignored her points about religion and just decided to focus on her vagina, her hoo ha, her snatch, her lady parts, her (insert word here).  They just proved her point, didn’t they? There are many words for vagina that are far more offensive.  It’s not like this woman walked up to any of her colleagues, dropped her panties and screamed “kiss my clit!” She might have accomplished just as much that day if she had.  That is the saddest part to me about this whole debacle.

Come on!   In this day and age, isn’t that like saying you’re not allowed to call Oprah Winfrey black because she’s too famous?

As a writer, I have to be fascinated by people’s distraction at the word “vagina” in this case.  But I’m going for the ride, as it were.  I’ll say what I have to say about vaginas and let you all comment about it.  All comments to this post are welcome.  Intelligent discourse is a good step to getting past this kind of idiocy.


4 Responses to “Vagina!”

  1. Astounded. In a good way. My hat comes off to you, Voodoo. Enough said.


  2. This was a pretty amazing blog post, Angel! Well done! 😉

    I have to agree with you. Lisa Brown simply used a anatomical term for the female sex organ. If she’d flipped skirt and flashed ‘snatch’ then I could see them taking the action they did. But she didn’t. She tried to focus on the ‘hot button’ issues of religion and abortion and ended her spiel with the word ‘vagina’. How this took center stage to the issues at hand is beyond me.

    Women take massive steps forward in equal rights … then take a step back because we can talk about our lady parts with no shame while trying to touch on an issue that is near and dear to OUR hearts? I mean, it is about OUR vagina’s …

    I love the idea of standing in front of the White House or on the steps of St. Patrick’s Cathedral blaring ‘The Vagina Song’. This whole thing is SO wrong …. All I can say is … VAggiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIInnnnnaaaaaaa!! Yeah, I said it. Whatchu gon’ do ’bout it? *cracking knuckles*

    ~J. Marie

    • It’s an unbelievable phenomenon to me when a grown up can’t even properly name a part of her anatomy without a reaction of rank immaturity from her fellows. It makes me wonder if we have a bunch of babies in politics. Virgin ass my ears!

      We will NOT progress in this country if we cannot adhere to the simple notion of proper communication. For someone to have sat there and bashed Lisa Brown for what she did is erroneous at best, and stupidly ignorant at its worst. I just hope that she has actually reached people in this country. I hope that women all over the world are listening to what’s going on in this country and gathering their forces together. I foresee things getting very ugly before there is a light at the end of THIS tunnel…pardon the visual image.


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